A new short post I'll be adding as I think of things.
No surprise to anyone that Amazon is glutted with books. Everyone, it seems, has a story they want to tell. I'll be honest - some shouldn't. At least not right away.
Today's Tip:
I learned a great tip a while back from one of my good author friends which I still keep in mind - cut the was's.
What does that mean?
Simple. Be active, not passive.
Too many times I look at the beginning of a book on Amazon and I'll see not one, but several was's and were's in the first paragraph alone. The first page - and the book - is filled with them.
This is a simple example, but you'll get the idea:
Example: Sarah was tired. Her body was weighted down from lack of sleep.
Revision: Sarah dragged her body out of bed, her eyes at half-mast. Her arms felt heavy, like she'd lifted weights all night instead of sleeping.
See the difference?
Start with action. It's not saying you can't use was once-in-a-while. Yes, you can use it. I have, but the key is - don't overdo it. Keep your main sentences and beginning active, not passive. Use it sparingly. (The same goes for ly adverbs. There are better, and stronger, word choices.)
The book/story is only only better and tighter by making it active, but it's more immediate. It draws the reader into the action.
Interesting thing is that some readers were surprised that I started my book, Lizzie Borden, Zombie Hunter like I did, but the focus was the crime, so I had to put Lizzie right in the middle of the action. Why would I wait? The top quotes in each chapter are taken from inquest records and newspapers of the time.
Here's how I started it and part of the first chapter:
Chapter One
Q.
You saw his face covered with blood?
A.
Yes, sir.
Q.
Did you see his eyeball hanging out?
A.
No, sir.
Q.
Did you see the gashes where his face was laid open?
A.
No, sir.
—Lizzie Borden at inquest, August 9-11,
1892
August 4,
1892
Lizzie Borden drained
the rest of her tea, set down her cup, and listened to the sound of furniture
moving upstairs. My, my, for only ten
o’clock in the morning my stepmother is certainly energetic. Housecleaning,
already?
THUMP.
For
a moment, Lizzie forgot her plans to go shopping downtown. THUMP. There it went
again. It sounded like her stepmother was rearranging the whole room. She
paused at the bottom stair, her concern growing, when she heard another thump
and then, the oddest of sounds—a moan. Uh-oh. What was that? Did she hurt
herself?
“Mrs.
Borden?” Lizzie called. “Are you all right?”
No
answer.
She
wondered if her stepmother had taken ill, yet the shuffling, moving, and other
unusual noises continued. Lizzie hurried up the stairs and paused outside the
partially opened door. The strange moans coming from the room sent a shiver up
her back.
When
she pushed the door open wider, all she could do was stare. Mrs. Abby Durfee Borden
stood in front of the bureau mirror clawing at her reflected image. And what a
horrid image it was! The sixty-seven-year-old woman’s hair looked like it had
never been combed and stuck out like porcupine quills. Her usually spotless
housedress appeared wrinkled and torn. Yet, that wasn’t the worst. Dark red
spots—blood, Lizzie’s mind
whispered—dotted the floor and streaked the sides, of the older woman’s dress
and sleeves.
Lizzie
gazed about the room in alarm. The tips of Father’s slippers peeking out from
beneath the bed also glistened with the same viscous red liquid. All that
blood! What happened here? What happened?
She
gasped, which got the attention of Mrs. Borden, who jerked her head and
growled. Lizzie choked back a cry of alarm. Abby’s square, plain face now
appeared twisted and ashen gray. Her eyes, once bright with interest, stared
from under a milky covering as if she had cataracts. She resembled a female
version of The Portrait of Dorian Gray.
Another growl and a moan, and the older woman lunged, arms rigid, her stubby
hands held out like claws.
“Mrs.
Borden, Abby!” Lizzie yelled and stumbled backward as fast as she could. “Abby,
do you hear me?”
Her
stepmother shuffled forward, her steps slow but steady. She showed no emotion
or sense of recognition. The only utterances she made were those strange low
moans.
Lizzie
moved back even further, trying to keep out of reach of Mrs. Borden’s grasping
fingers. Then her foot hit something. Lizzie quickly glanced down at the silver
hairbrush that had fallen to the floor. Too late, she realized her error.
“No!”
Lizzie shivered at the feel of her stepmother’s clammy, cold hand around her
wrist. “Abby, what happened? What’s wrong with you?”
Darkbeam, Part II, (Book 2, Dragonian Series), (Pre-order - Releases Nov. 6,) Adrienne Woods - Everyone knows the Rubicon is predestined for evil, and the alpha dragon does nothing to change their opinions of him. What they don't know is that he harbors a secret, a secret that can set him free, but also trap him forever. Refusing to give in to that which can lead him to a path of freedom, Blake Leaf allows the darkness to attempt to claim his soul. But there is always a shining light somewhere, and sometimes it's just too dark to see it. Will Blake find his way back to light, or is it too late for him? Darkbeam Part II is about the events of Thunderlight and Frostbite (Book 2 and 3 in The Dragonian Series) told from Blake Leaf's point of view. 
Deep Silence, A Joe Ledger Novel #10, Jonathan Maberry - (Pre-order, Releases Oct. 30) Terrorists-for-hire have created a weapon that can induce earthquakes and cause dormant volcanoes to erupt. One terrifying side-effect of the weapon is that prior to the devastation, the vibrations drive ordinary people to suicide and violence. A wave of madness begins sweeping the country beginning with a mass shooting in Congress. Joe Ledger and his team go on a wild hunt to stop the terrorists and uncover the global super-power secretly funding them. At every step the stakes increase as it becomes clear that the end-game of this campaign of terror is igniting the Yellowstone caldera, the super-volcano that could destroy America.
