Good afternoon Neeta. It's so good to finally meet you.
It's a pleasure, Amanda.
I appreciate this chance to tell folks about zombie extermination. It's a growing specialization--unfortunately,
because the demand is still growing--but every one of us hopes to work
ourselves out of a job eventually.
So, tell me, why did you choose your career path as a
zombie exterminator?
It's a family business.
My mother, God rest her soul, was a single mom working as a general
exterminator when she and her partner inadvertently stumbled upon a huge zombie
infestation while investigating what a
cemetery thought were rats. She and her
partner discovered they had a talent for mowing down zombies. (In this case, literally. That riding lawn mower saved more than a few
lives that night.) Since there was
obviously a need, they specialized. Mom
was a real activist for the cause of zombie extermination and prevention as
well. I hope she looks at my efforts
with the reality TV show, Zombie Death Extreme as another way of building
awareness.
What makes a good zombie exterminator?
Strength: strong
arms, strong will, strong nerves… and a strong stomach. You also need to be able to think on your
feet. Zombies, as we've come to learn,
are far more variable than we saw in the movies. It's amazing what can be used against
them. That's why I urge everyone to
remember that your best defense against a zombie is not that butcher knife on
the counter, but the cleaning products under the counter, the hamburger in the
fridge, and the television. (Turn it on
and run!)
What's the best way to kill a zombie?
You have to destroy the brain: sever the spine at the neck. Decapitation, smash their brains. Setting them on fire works well if they're I
an advanced state of decay, but sometimes, that only stalls them enough to give
you a chance to go for the neck.
Do you have a favorite weapon?
Chainsaw and a supersoaker full of TidyToidy. They're the most effective, IMHO, but the
chainsaw does get heavy. I train a lot.
How does one secure one's home against the undead?
First, attitude.
Often an ARM (Animated Rotting Meat) will return to a familiar place--a
home, workplace, bar… Some people still
think it's a miracle that their loved one is returning from the dead. It's not--it's a tragedy in the making. These are not people anymore. I can't state that enough. A moment's hesitation at seeing Uncle Joe can
cost you your life--and maybe bring you back to hurt those you love.
Second, cell phone and car keys. Most major cities have a skilled Z-Mat team
and exterminators on call. Get in your
car and dial 9-1-1 as you speed away.
Some zombies are fast, but none can outrun a speeding car.
Third, cleaning products.
We don't know why, but with few exceptions, cleaning products will repel
zombies. Not the enviro-friendly stuff,
however. Bleach. Amonia. You know those scrubbing bubbles? Those are actually kind of funny to
watch--but don't delay your escape to get some video on your cell phone! Trust me, YouTube is not worth your life!
After that, imagination is your best defense. Some zombies can be deflected by cigarettes;
others by a beer. Some will stop dead
(pardon the pun) to watch Days of Our Lives.
In the Middle East, many devout families nonetheless keep a package of
bacon in their refrigerators just for zombie defense. Whatever you do, however, try it and run.
Is it true that if you blend in with a horde of zombies
and pretend to be one, they will leave you alone?
No. Oh, please, please, Amanda! If any of your readers believes that tell
them no! They may get distracted by a
pound of raw hamburger, but they can definitely tell the difference between a
fresh brain and an undead one!
Thank you so much for your time.
No problem. I hope
folks will take a look at the book Karina Fabian wrote about some of my
adventures on the Zombie Death Extreme Set.
It's called Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator. It's a fun way to learn more about zombies
and zombie defense.
Purchase links:
