Wild About Zombies!

Remember last week when I said everyone was getting on the zombie bandwagon?  I wasn't joking.  Even Top Gear is getting into the action.  Last week, they aired an episode where they built an apocalypse car. 
(If nothing else, it'll make you want an MRAP!) Granted, it wasn't zombie specific, but it highlighted things to be aware of at the end of the world that could apply.

The most important things to consider no matter how the world ends are:

1.  Shelter
2.  Supplies
3.  Defense

While a car might not be the best way to spend the end of days (especially when gas becomes scarce), it wouldn't be that bad either.  It would keep you moving and away from danger.  If you had the right vehicle, it could take you places others couldn't follow.  You could pretend to be Mad Max.  (C'mon!  The world has ended, you need to do something for fun!)

What do you think?  Would you spend the end of the world in a car or find more permanent shelter?

Sometimes, competence is more fun

When I first started writing I Left My Brains in San Francisco, I thought I wanted to pit Neeta against a powerful, take-charge jerk who was screwing things up.  The idea was that she’d lost some of her confidence, and she’d get it back to stop him from killing people.  Storm Mattherson was supposed to be in charge of the Richmond Zombie-Municipal and Tactical operations, and he was more interested in treating it like a military op than a zombie extermination, and Neeta would have to take him down a few pegs.

Unfortunately, when it came time to imagine and write the scene, I couldn’t do it.  Not only did Neeta refuse to organize the living while there were undead to kill, but Storm came off as a bad copy of every incompetent hotheaded commander you’ve ever seen on television.

So I let Neeta stay in the support role.  Some of my critiquers didn’t like that, actually, because she doesn’t get to figure out the big conspiracy.  She can’t because she’s not in a place to have all the information.  In fact, there are a couple of people that figure it out at the same time, and who work together; one of whom turns out to be a rewritten, competent Storm Mattherson.

However, I did enjoy his ego, so I reworked some scenes.  I made him the guest speaker at the convention, where he blathers on about his grand plan to save Richmond from a zombie attack (his doctoral thesis).  I have him hounding reporters to get interviews.  Then, when one of the zombie experts calls him in the middle of the crisis with important information, he almost doesn’t take her call until he remembers that she’s that hot PhD from the conference—and he asks her out while she’s trying to give him vital information.  Nonetheless, his brilliant plan that so annoyed people actually works, and in the end, he’s hailed as a hero.

Storm was more fun when competent and egotistical than incompetent and overbearing—and the book flowed more freely.

Excerpt from I Left My Brains in San Francisco, starring Storm Mattherson!

Kelsey Gardenberger gave a wan smile as the Storm handed her his disk. The silver UVD had “Richmond Invasion Plans: Using Historical Tactics to Counter a Modern Threat” written in permanent marker. Below that, she read “By Doctor Storm Mattherson, Ph.D., Director, Richmond Z-Mat.” She could feel her eyes glazing over, and she hadn’t even opened the file.

“That’s your copy, of course,” Doctor Mattherson said. “so that you can review it before my presentation. Would you like to schedule an interview for directly afterward? If so, I’d like to be prepared to schedule a Q&A for the conference attendees at a later time.”

“We already talked about this before your opening speech.” In fact, he’d sought them out in the parking lot and followed them into the convention center.

Storm waved his hand in a dismissive motion. “We barely scratched the surface. It deserves greater attention. After all, most people only think about personal protection. Very few stop to consider the fascinating complexities of community defense. You said yourself it’s a unique angle.”

She glanced at her partner, but Ron just bit his lip and tried not to laugh. Oh, he was such a help in situations like this. “Actually, we’re pretty busy at this conference…”

“Oh, no worries, Kelsey…may I call you Kelsey? Kelsey, I took the liberty of including a file with some talking points. It’s only about three pages, doesn’t do the thesis justice, but when you’re pressed for time… There’re also some files with more personal information about myself—standard publicity package…”

Purchase links:

Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator :  http://amzn.to/hTqMGa

I Left My Brains in San Francisco: http://amzn.to/Nzm01L

Learn more about the Zombie Exterminator novels at http://zombiedeathextreme.com

Find out about all of Karina Fabian’s books at http://fabianspace.com

What to wear when fighting zombies

A post over at The Cheap Ebook.com about handbags and moods got me thinking....

Now like most women, I loooove purses, shoes, too, though, more often not not I end up with shoes that are super cute but they're hard to wear. So cute but they hurt!  Being short I prefer wedges and platforms, but they can't be too high. No more 3-4 inch heels for me!  They have to be all day wearable and easy to walk in. Lower heels are good for sandals, too.

Purses or handbags? No problem there usually unless they are: 1. too small. I like mine big but not quite suitcase sized. Being a freelance reporter besides an author, my purse has to fit assorted small things plus a calendar book (yes I prefer the write-in kind), and have room for a book to read (like GIRL Z: My Life as a Teenage Zombie, coming in August), a couple notebooks and my camera (a larger type) if I need it.

2. Without pockets. I feel uncomfortable if the bag doesn't have outside pockets for things I need access to - my glasses, pens and mints. Then I have to put a zipper pouch inside. Too often a pen dies and I have to dig for one in the middle of taking notes.

So, given that this is a zombie-related blog it got me thinking what would a girl prefer if she were in a zombie  infestation? I mean, yeah, ammo belts and straps across the shoulders would work, but let's be realistic - even a girl fighting zombies needs somewhere to put personal items she may need and a place to carry her weapons and ammo, right? Make it easier to haul it all around?

This messenger bag on Etsy has plenty of room for stuff, but since you're already seeing enough gore in real life, do you really want zombies as "art" on your bag too? Not that you'd really be looking at it much, of course. And after a while, I'd think looking at a Renoir or Rembrandt  might be more preferable?

Now this person on Etsy at Mokadesigntotes has the right idea - the tote is big and has lots of pockets. Thick, too; good for storing defense stuff. This gets an A for zombie fighting though the design is maybe too cutesy for this purpose.

So, just a couple ideas...

As for shoes, well, sneakers and athletic shoes or boots are good for running, but sturdy, steel-toed boots may be a better choice.



Or maybe a high-lace-up combat type boot would be better. Pretty they're not, but in this case, yeah, your mother would wear combat boots and like it. And she'd make you wear them, too.


** For fun, what are your favorite types of purses and shoes when you're not fighting zombies?

The best and worst places to be in a zombie apocalypse

As I sit here in Minnesota and watch the snow come down, an image of a zombie trying to move through two feet of icy, cold powder is enough to make me smile. Obviously the northern part of the U.S. wouldn't be an ideal place for zombies to survive as the elements would surely slow them down. Personally, I think I'd move to Alaska to hang with the grizzly, black, and polar bears, which might be great allies when it comes to dealing with the undead. Or, gulp, maybe it would backfire and they'd turn into ravenous bear-zombies. I think I'd still take that chance.

Places that I would definitely avoid in a zombie apocalypse would include California, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, Texas, Arizona, and Nevada because of the extreme heat in the summer. Not only would you have to deal with the loss of central-air, but the smell of decomposing and rancid bodies would be unbearable in one-hundred-and-twenty degree weather. Another horrible place to be in a zombie apocalypse would be a cruise ship. Can you imagine being stuck on a ship with nowhere to go but into the ocean? Sure, you could jump over the side and hope to survive with the sharks, but I don't know which decision would be scarier- trying to throw thousands of zombies off of a cruise ship or the danger lurking under the surface of the ocean.

Zombie

Zombie News Round-up

Today, I thought I'd share a round-up of some interesting zombie news items I came across:

* Think zombies aren't real? Well... looks like scientists in New Mexico have created zombie cells that mimic real life movements. But this is on the nano level, so don't panic yet.

*  Why the zombie craze, you wonder? Zombie walks (or zombie runs) and the fascination with the undead are merely symptoms of society's unhappiness and discontent, claims a researcher from Clemson University.

** Do you agree or is that too obvious an assumption?

* Now even machines are acting up....

Oops! Looks like car maker Subaru is recalling "zombie cars" that may start on their own....

* See other "news" from the ZombieWorldNews... (which claims to be fictional and for entertainment. You were warned.)

Zombie Guns

It looks cool.  It's got everything you need: large clip to hold lots of ammunition and a chainsaw when you run out of bullets.  Sadly, though, this gun wouldn't be that practical in the zombie apocalypse.  Can you imagine how heavy it would be?  Not only do you have to carry that, along with ammunition, food, and water, but you'll need fuel to run the chainsaw.  Otherwise, it's worthless.

Everyone has jumped on the zombie bandwagon.  It's a great place to be.  There is ammunition tailored specifically for zombies.  There are a slew of guns out there that claim to be the best weapon when it comes to killing undead.  In truth, any gun is going to work just fine.  As long as you have ammunition for it and know how to use it, you're golden. 

One of the things I like to do when writing my books is research guns.  While any gun will work just fine, it's nice to showcase a new one or find something that hasn't been seen very often.  Plus, I like guns so I like to be informed.  All of the details might not make it into the novel (most readers really don't care about the specs of a gun.  Plus, it makes the book read like a manual when you put those in), but I have them in the back of my mind.

For example, Krista in Life After the Undead and Death to the Undead is quite partial to a Zigana T.  It's a great gun and looks cool.  By the way, that site is a great place to get gun information.  I've used it often.

I have to be careful while researching guns and not show them to my husband.  I'm pretty good about finding nice, reliable, expensive guns, and he thinks he needs them.  It's tough because I want them around when the zombies rise up, but guns are useless without ammunition.  I'd rather have a few good guns and spend the rest of my money on bullets.

While it's not going to make or break your story if you have the latest or newest guns, it's still worth doing a little research to see what's out there.  Like I said, there are a lot of "zombie" weapons, but not all of them are practical.  If you want your story to be "real," I suggest having weapons that are real.  Take the time to see what's out there.  If you get the chance, go shoot the gun to see what the recoil is like, how it feels in your hand.  If "real" doesn't figure into your story or what type of weapons your characters carry, then the sky is the limit, and guns like the one pictured above will work just fine!

The Latest in Zombie Fighting Technology

The Zombie Exterminator novels take place in 2040, a time of manure-based fuels, Global Fattening, and the shambling undead.  For your pleasure, I present to you an excerpt from I Left My brains in San Francisco, in which we learn about the latest in zombie fighting technology.

"Kelsey Gardenberger here with Ron Potter on the DoCam, and we are the Zomblog.  We are at the ZomZeitgeber Expo floor, talking with Expo Man.  Hello, Expo Man!"

The fully suited, helmeted android twisted its head and said in a purposely mechanized voice, "Hello, Kelsey Gardenberger.  Hello, Zomblog viewers."   It raised its hand in a stiff wave.

Kelsey laughed.  "As you can see, Expo Man is running Retro Animation 2 for Animatronics.  You can download the freeware version by clicking the link on the sidebar.  Expo Man is also modeling the latest in extermination wear.  Expo Man, can you tell us what you have?"

The android paused while it whirred for a programmed one-point-five seconds; then it replied in a voice more reminiscent of the still running The Price is Right.  "That's right, Kelsey!  I am sporting the essentials for the well-prepared--and well-dressed--exterminator.  Starting with my head, I have a Motomania's Apocalypse 2000.  Sturdy and lightweight, with the latest in night vision--and an optional visor wiper!"

It touched a button on the side of its head and a small windshield wiper swiped the faceplate while cleaning fluid flowed from the top.

"Perfect for removing zombie gore--or when motorcycling through the foggy mornings of San Francisco!  Motomania's Apocalypse 2000. 

"My HazMat suit, courtesy of Sausalito Professional Wear, is a durable yet ecologically friendly blend of natural rubbers and synthetic polymers, combined with nanite technology.  Designed by Exterminator Outfitters' Edmund Acolyte, two-time winner of the International Golden Scissors, it moves like a dream while removing the bulkiness of most HazMat suits.  Nonetheless, it's also packed with pockets--front, back, hips and thigh--for easy access to those wonderful thrown distractions that the cunning exterminator uses--plus a Velcro-sealed pocket for your car keys.  Attractive and practical--that's Exterminator Outfitters.

"But no amount of headgear or suit safety will save you if your feet aren't protected.  That's why Go-lashes, Inc. has come up with their best footwear since the Stomp.  The Treads live up to their name, with even heavier, longer-lasting soles and improved arch support.  The redesigned sole provides an extra spring in your step.  Whether stalking the undead or running away like a ninny--better Tread than dead!

"Of course, you won't be running away if you're armed with the latest in extermination technology!  Let's begin with the ranged weapons."

The Ghostbusters theme, remixed by ZombieRoulette for the Belching Dragon Flamethrower Company, played out of Expo Man's chest as he reached behind his back and pulled out the nozzle of the flamethrower.  "You know who to call!  And when you need to take out a large group of zombies fast, there's nothing like good old-fashioned firepower.  The Belching Dragon series of flamethrowers has long been a favorite among exterminators, and this latest model is sure to please.  The Mark 9's longer nozzle contains plasma rifling to ensure a more targeted stream, while Belching Dragon's patented turbos provide extra thrust, increasing flame distance by up to five feet without sacrificing accuracy.  The onboard breeze meter is married to the computer to automatically adjust the plasma rifling to compensate for wind.  When the shambling undead threaten your territory, it's time to call in the Dragon."

As the theme music died out, Expo Man returned the flamethrower to its slot and raised its arm to show the tubing attached to its wrist and elbow.

"The power squirt gun has long been a standby in zombie extermination, but with Squirz, they'll soon be a thing of the past.  Why deal with bulky plastic when the automatic, air powered Squirz attaches neatly to the arm, yet sends a stream of your favorite zombie repellent up to twenty feet?  With a simple switch, you can set it from stream to spray.  The flexible plastic liquid containment pouch, or LCP, fits over the hips and across the back, allowing most operators to carry up to five gallons without strain."

Expo Man reached into his belt and pulled out a short cylindrical hilt.  He waved it around as he activated the switch in a classic Star Wars move.  A thin line of light unfolded from the hilt.

"Also new on the market, but becoming a fast favorite, are the monofilament swords.  Here's the Highlander Original.  Note the ergonomic design of the handle and easy-access thumb switch for turning it off and on.  The VEB, or visible electronic beam, that surrounds the blade has five standard color settings--or download your own favorite color.  Who says exterminators can't be fashionable?  Remember:  when the head must come away from the neck, you need the Highlander."

Expo Man whirred to a stop with a polycarbonate smile at Kelsey.  She returned it with a plastic one of her own.  "Um…no chainsaw?" she asked innocently, although she bit down on the sides of her lips in hidden mirth.

Expo Man straightened.  "I'm sorry, but after the Craftsmaster Demonstration Fiasco of 2046, animatronics have been forbidden to handle chainsaws in public areas."

Kelsey pursed her lips in a sympathetic pout.  "Of course.  Thank you so much, Expo Man.  Would you like to sign us out?"

"I thank you, Kelsey Gardenberger."  Expo Man turned toward the camera.  "This is Expo Man at ZomZeitgeber 2047, and you are watching the ZomBlog."

Purchase links:

Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator :  http://amzn.to/hTqMGa

I Left My Brains in San Francisco: http://amzn.to/Nzm01L

Learn more about the Zombie Exterminator novels at http://zombiedeathextreme.com

Find out about all of Karina Fabian’s books at http://fabianspace.com