Thursday, November 14, 2013

Ten Things Zombies are Thankful For

Folks on Facebook are doing the 30 days of thankfulness.  What would zombies be thankful for?  I've asked Undead Fred to help me out.

1.  That my legs are still attached.  Fingers would be nice, too, but you can't eat brains unless you can catch the felling human.

2.  That my sense of smell has disappeared.  Yes, I'm aware I smell of filth, disease and decay, but it now, I can live with it.  No...wait...

3.  I am no longer worried about my appearance.  It's so freeing to no longer have concern about body image.  Of course, the irony is I can eat as much as I want and never get fat now, either.

4.  Life is simpler now.  Shamble, groan, chase, eat.  I don't even need my cell phone...though I do miss Angry Birds sometimes.

5.  Still being able to vote.  Come on, doesn't that explain a lot?

6.  I don't have to work anymore.  Yep.  If I want to spend a day laying in the sun, decomposing, I can do it.  No boss, no deadlines, no meeting where I felt half-zombie anyway.  Just me, the warm sun, and the occasional rat or crow.  And maggots.  Maggots are a nuisance, but not every paradise is perfect, right?

7.  No more debates!  No more discussing politics, worrying about defending my religious choices...  Yeah, I still get a look of revulsion, but that comes with the territory, and a good long groan and a shamble in the person's direction usually takes care of the problem.

8.  I no longer have to worry about taxes.  Or death for that matter.

9. I never catch a cold or worry about my allergies anymore.

10.  Braaaaains!